Severe acne scars and agoraphobia?
I have been living a reclusive life for almost two decades. Ive never had a job girlfriend or friends in this period. Now im in my early thirties and still living with my parents. Im ashamed of my situation and i want to change.. I dont know if i have agoraphobia cause i have never been diagnosed. I think i have avoidant personality disorder dependent personality disorder agoraphobia and depression. Ive never had panic attacks and im fine with crowds if i dont have to interact with people. I go out a few times a year with a family member and when i do im happy and i dont want to go back home. I cant go out alone because i have absolutely no life experience i dont know anything about the life outside. Im completely dependent on my parents and they are old and when they are gone i will be completely helpless.
I have always had body image problems since teenage years. I was finding imaginary faults with my
looks all the time: i was thin short had a big nose and even my hair color was a problem until i started having severe acne problems which left untreated cause i couldnt go out and see a dermatologist… Eventually i had severe acne scars on my face which completely destroyed my already low self esteem. I think i had body dysmorphic disorder before i had acne problem and having a scarred face is the worst thing that can happen to a person with BDD.
Scars didnt cause me my reclusive life. I had it even before i had acne. I had always been a weak
and sensitive kid and i had been hurt by people and then i started to dislike people and to avoid them. Actually im not interested in what caused all these anymore cause its a waste of time. Im stronger now and feel more confident but still dont feel like going anywhere cause i feel insecure with this disfigured face.
Unfortunately there is no cure for acne scars so i have to accept my scars and try to move on with my life but i dont know where to start. Classic baby steps approach wont work for me because i live in a small town with a population of a few thousand people and every single person in this town knows of me and my pathetic life. Im the weirdo who never goes out. So if i try to step out of the front yard today ill be under spot lights and they will be like wow that freak is finally out.
I want to move out of this place but there is no place i can go and i have no money and a job so i feel
very hopeless. I dont even know if these things i wrote make sense cause English is not my native
tongue… Ok so is there anything i can do to improve my life or am i destined to live this pathetic
life until i die? Thank you.
Sorry for the lines cut in the middle I dont know why it happened i had typed normal :
posted in Society & Cultures | 2 Comments
