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what do you think of my poem so far?

9th October 2011

what do you think of my poem so far?

posted in Society & Cultures |

i still need to write 4 more stanzas to meet the rubrics requirments. but mainy the assigment was to write a scary poem following the style of Edgar Allan Poe or something like that. i really dont care and just wrote whatever i wanted but what do you think of it?

The slam of a door never should you ignore
Its meaning can be much more
When a glistening steel blade
Is there to make troubles fade
While streaming tears hit the floor

A troubled mind hope left behind
In a world that is far too much unkind
When a pale skin turned a to a red
When a light blue vein is open and bled
Have the people around become blind?

A scarred arm which faced harm
An upset soul should have caused alarm
I ponder the thoughts of the community around
When did they realize a world tearing down
When will life be able to disarm?

When she lies in bed remembering words said
Tomorrows events she beings to dread
When the past days of sorrow and hurt
Will repeat and hide the scars in a long sleeve shirt
When metal is covered in a hopeless shade of red

Had no one seen this troubled teen
Trapped in a hurtful routine
And did no one see those damaged eyes
When they needed help and sat and cried
A disease of damage with no vaccine

But after years an angel appears
The one who offered to dry those tears
The one who put the razors down
So in despair she would not drown
And with time she would have no fears

There are currently 3 responses to “what do you think of my poem so far?”

Why not let us know what you think by adding your own comment! Your opinion is as valid as anyone elses, so come on... let us know what you think.

  1. 1 On October 9th, 2011, Nicole said:

    this shit is worse than a soggy ass on a 10 hour car ride

  2. 2 On October 9th, 2011, josestaco1 said:

    She wallows herself to sweet agony
    Addicted to visions that no one can see
    Coming and going from darkness to light
    Only an emo could know such delight
    The reaper weeps for her soul to see

    Alas but enlightened to one final rite
    She opens both wrists and then says good night
    Red wings grow out
    A fine death no doubt
    Into the endless nights of free flight

  3. 3 On October 9th, 2011, GirlyGirl said:

    I LOVE IT

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