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23rd January 2011

How would you feel if you recieved this?

posted in Society & Cultures |

alright valentines day is comin up and theres this one particular girl i really like…
we went out for a little while in summer 09 and she dumped me long story short my friends were being prcks but ive bin involved with a new social circle for a good while now. we gradually got closer again she would always laugh at my jokes and stuff and i asked her out again in the summer just gone by. she said maybe but told me no next mornin… we didnt speak again a while after that but were talking again now not quite as close as we were before but still alright…

anyway ive been writing her a poem for a few weeks now the flow isnt quite there and im not sure why but here it is so far:

i gaze at your eyes steely blue
copper hair falls softly from your head
i remember when i was happy with you
your lips with mine full and red
but you can be happy with othersanywhere
i think of youand i feel guilt
even though i doubt you care
how can i mend this tattered quilt?
yet as i sit and gaze at thee
do you ever evennotice me?

so how would you feel if i handed this to you written inside a card on valentines day?
whats the best way to give it to her? theres a valentines party goin on at cadets which i was gonna ask her to ill get back to you with how that goes…

more importantly how can i improve it? be honest cos i dont think its that good perzonally but im quite critical of myself so im not sure…
btw i really really like her and i found it hard to put all my feelings into one sonnet so i was gonna write a note in the card too to fill in any gaps…

thanks :

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There are currently 14 responses to “How would you feel if you recieved this?”

Why not let us know what you think by adding your own comment! Your opinion is as valid as anyone elses, so come on... let us know what you think.

1 On January 23rd, 2011, john said:
Dude give it up She doesnt want you. And the poem makes you look like a pussy Well thats probably why she doesnt want you. Dont let anyone convince you girls dig sensitive men.

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
2 On January 23rd, 2011, Kelsie said:
are you sure this is meant to be given away at valentines day??

to me its gonna be an awful day of stalking

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
3 On January 23rd, 2011, Lizzy said:
aww thats so beautiful it would bring a tear to a glass eye aww im sure shell love it and if that doesnt work shes either playing hard to get or shes not worth it if she still doesnt want anything after youve just basically poured your heart out to her
good luck XD

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
4 On January 23rd, 2011, Laurel said:
Its really sweet and I think shed like it but youve asked her a couple times and every time you aske she says no. I think you should try to move on but if you really want to do this then give it to her with a rose or chocolate or something.Yes its a bit corney but its really sweet.

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
5 On January 23rd, 2011, tiyona17 said:
wow well written if i were the girl ill be flattered and give some serious thought on how i mistreat you my advice just be yourself its the best policy really

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
6 On January 23rd, 2011, Gil said:
I would appreciate it. even though im a guy and If you love her. Why not
Just dont expect too much.
Good luck :

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
7 On January 23rd, 2011, Charlotte S said:
Wow I think that is a great poem. The only input I can give though is make it more lively and original in the beginning because the full and red lips part seems like you could see that in any poem. The 2ND HALF is my favorite starting with but you can be happy with others anywhere. try to put something like what you could offer her in being with you instead of someone else. The last line really struck me if I read that it would really make me look at you and want to notice you. : hope that helped

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
8 On January 23rd, 2011, Evie said:
Aww the poem is really sweet but Im not sure if this girl will appreciate like most girls do. It seems that she isnt interested but you might be able to win her back with that poem. Dont come on too strong though. Give her some space and time to think. Hope I helped.

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
9 On January 23rd, 2011, RagDoll66 said:
well i would die nobody ev er wrote poem for me or even put in card would luv someone do that for me

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
10 On January 23rd, 2011, victor said:
well shes either playing hard to get and actually likes you or just doesnt want to date you and said yes to be nice :/ either way what have you to loose ? if i was her i would love to receive that on valentines day its beaut :

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
11 On January 23rd, 2011, Melissa said:
Im going to be absolutely honest…im not sure if poetry is the best thing to win her over. its sounds like she is unsure of how you will be in a relationship again. your friends were disrespectful so usually the girl wants you to bring her around your friends so that she can see the kind of people you hang out with. with that said many girls believe that the personalities of how your friends reflects on you…so shes probably having a huge issue of fear for it all…with all of this said a nice note in the card would be perfect something meaningful maybe something that would take you some time…several of my exgirlfriends laughed whenever a guy gave them a poem or wrote them a song…idk the kind of girld she truly is but i would just wipe out the whole poetry thing

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
12 On January 23rd, 2011, 100gymnast said:
Thats a very beautiful poem and Id be really touched if someone wrote me that. Although the first part is a little rocky and I dont think using thee is a good idea because youre mixing modern English with old English I think you should choose one or the other. Like this:

I gaze at thy eyes steely blue
Copper hair cascading softly from thy head
I reminisce of our past happiness
I wish to be with you soon
Thy lips full with mine full and red
But thy can be happy with others anywhere
I think of thee and I feel guilt
How can I mend this tattered quilt?
Yet as a sit and look at thee
Do you ever notice me?

I took out the I doubt you care because that might offend her. Hope I helped :

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
13 On January 23rd, 2011, Secret said:
Its a nice poem but I think youre wasting your time Love on her. Ill bet there are many other girls who like you.Dont you think youre good looking enough? How is your self esteem? Try dating another girl this might make the one you love curious as to why she left you.
Maybe just forget her start dating again.Forget about her.Seems like she forgot you.

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am
14 On January 23rd, 2011, Erin T said:
If she has turned you down before this probs wont take to this to well.

posted on January 23rd, 2011 at 5:49 am