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As everyone else says "different kind of love" but personally; I love my first mom more than my APs but that's just because my APs didn't know how to love me like their biological child.

for me, yes i love my adoptive parents as much as my real parents. Thing is, i sometimes wondered as a child and as an chatting if i love my adoptive parents. Of course i do, but the thought has occurred to me so many times that i've actually sat down and thought "is the love different, or the same?

See, i do love my biological parents, but i hardly know them. despite the fact my adoption was open, they weren't there a whole lot. So as people, i don't know them.

Yes it is, adoptees are greatful that they were taken in and long for the affection and love their bio parents didn't or couldn't give them. However this takes time and committment from both the parent and adptee.

I could not love my adopted parents anymore than I do, even if they were biologically my parents, because to me, THEY ARE MY PARENTS. Sorry if this seems harsh to you, but the parents that raised me are my parents.

I know that many will think of this as 'splitting hairs' but words are very important to me.

I'm going to agree with PhilM and say (as myself, not him) "why all the comparing?"

Like LinnyG (approximately) said, "It can be the same amount of love but not the same bond."

I ditto that intensely!

I know you are referring to the many questions that have been asked along these lines but specifically regarding the most recent one... you aren't asking the same question (semantically). It may not to anyone else, but it matters to me.

That question did not ask if a parent can love an adopted child "as much" as a biological one, it asked if an a-parent can loved an adopted child "as if it was their own."

I think the answer to *YOUR* question is a simple yes. "As much"? Sure. "The same"? No way.

As Linny stated, it's not possible. It defies biology to suggest that the bond between two strangers who meet can be the same as the bond between two people (one of whom has dwelt WITHIN the other for nine months) who 'meet' (at the time of birth).

Can adoptees grow attached to and love their a-parents? Absolutely. But... you are not what we expected. You are not what we wanted (at the *time). You are not who we would CHOOSE to be our parent (at the *time) if we had a choice.

*I am speaking of newborn adoption here because that is the only kind I have experienced.

When a child is born and placed into the arms of the mother they EXPECT to hear, feel, smell, taste, etc. the bond is instant. All is "right with the world" for lack of better wording. When we are removed from what has been our entire universe, everything is wrong. Can we 'get used to' the new circumstances? Yeah, we can. That's just it, though. It's the BREAKING of our expectations from which the attachment grows... not the fulfilling of them. We have to stop looking for our mother before we can learn to love this stranger who is caring for us. We have to let go of the hope that we will get her back before we can accept love from someone else. That takes time... and children who grow up with their natural parents don't have to do it at all -- the connection of birth is an extension of the bond that already exists.

So there is, to me and maybe I am the only one, a HUGE difference between "as much as" and "the same as".

I believe (despite my abusive upbringing in my ADOPTIVE home) that love can grow infinitely. I believe that the AMOUNT (if it could ever be quantified) of love one feels for any other can continue to expand forever.

I know, though, that the bond I have with my mother will never be replicated anywhere, ever, by anyone. Period. There are remnants of my cells still flowing through her blood. Her DNA is in every cell of my body. I saw her for the first time in over 30 years (and for the first time ever "from the outside" Lol!) and I knew her -- instantly, primally, and familiarly. She WAS family... the only related family I had ever laid eyes on in my life. We spent the better part of an afternoon comparing physical traits and quirks. That night, as we ate dinner, we BOTH felt as though we were watching ourselves (me in the future, her in the past) eat in a mirror.

Well... I'm getting carried away. I can't give you even the "I love them as much" answer that many adoptees can. I don't. They abused me and didn't care a whit about me. Did they love me? If so, they had a strange way of showing it. Only they could answer if they 'felt' love toward me... love exists on the inside. As to love that is manifested in actions... they didn't.

I haven't forgiven them. I don't know if I ever will -- but I have tried. I'm still trying. I have a certain aching bittersweet memory of them (in the few moments where we 'almost' developed some fondness for one another) but I don't love them. Not at all. Certainly, I can't say I have ANY feelings toward them that would compare to the depth and intensity of the love I feel for my natural mom and dad.

But many adoptees have already answered here and I believe them. I trust their words and expressions implicitly. They know their own hearts better than anyone.

~Take care!

Yes it is, at least for me it is. In fact in my case I love my adoptive parents more as they are the only parents I can remember. I couldn't love them any more if they were my bio's, for they are my real parents. I wouldn't know my bio mother if she walked up to me. Meeting her would be the same to me as meeting a complete stranger, I don't hate or dislike her but it's hard to love someone you don't know.
Love is formed from the bond that is created between people the greater the bond the greater the love, if there isn't a good bond there won't be a great love. But this is just my opinion

My parents are my parents. My birth mother is someone who gave me up so i could have a better life. She didn't raise me, she didn't support me, she wasn't there for my ups and downs of childhood like my parents were. I have talked to my birthmother a few times, and talk to her daughter (who she kept) almost every single day. I don't resent her for not keeping me, but keeping her, because I know I was given an amazing life.
I think that anyone who says they don't love their adoptive parents has to be on crack. I'm sure 99.9% of the time, they were given a MUCH better life than they could have had otherwise. And what was their birthmother's other option?
Abortion.
I'm sure they are much happier being alive than they would have been not existing. Obviously.
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