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Well, so you understand what's going on,

I spend about 85% of my time babysitting my little sister while my mom works full time and my dad does...well...what ever it is he does (It's usually split between working [he's a freelance worker so jobs aren't exactly steady] and studying "higher self" or so he says, though I feel that he's only becoming more bitter than "higher") and the other 15% of the time I'm either doing school work (I'm home schooled) or reading manga because it's too late to go outside. And *there's* where my problem lies. I'm so sick and tired of staying inside my house all the time! And it's not even my whole house that I get to roam. I'm usually either in the kitchen to make breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks or in my mom's room which is shared with my sister, and it is also where I sleep until I finish redecorating my room. I want to tell my mom that I'm tired of being confined to two rooms all the time, but my mom's kind of sick and she has a hernia which affects her intestines and so she can't completely digest food properly. It takes me a long time to get up the guts to talk to my mom (trust me, she's a lady to be reckoned with) but usually when I finally feel up to it, she is feeling sick again and I just don't have the heart to tell her.

I mean, I understand from her point of view that she works day and night (specifically, from 8 or 9 AM to 8:30 PM and 9:30 on testing days [she's an administrator/instructor at an automotive school]) but jeez, I'm sixteen already and I have no friends and I rarely go outside except for maybe once or twice a month--this month I was lucky to get three times! And that's not counting doctor's visits, which I do about every month since I'm anemic. But really, I'm afraid that I don't even know how to interact with people my own age anymore. My friends are online and they all range between 2 and 4 years older than me, because that's the only age range where I can find those with similar interests and that can actually spell worth a damn (really, I hate how teens use 1337. It's irritating.)

Any teenagers I do meet in chat rooms make themselves up to be bigger and better than what they really are. But other than online, the only people I talk to are my mom's friends, my family, doctors, and my little sister's therapists. And, actually, I can't just leave my sister with a babysitter because she has a neurological disorder that's pretty extreme and pretty rare. So I'm pretty much in a deadlock between my responsibilities and my personal life wasting away as if it were nothing to begin with!

Can anyone help me? Perhaps tell me how I can approach my mom? I really don't want her to get too upset, but I'm tired of being depressed and standing on the sidelines while watching other people my age have the time of their lives (and this is why I hate going to the mall...).

I've tried acting as if I don't need friends to make me happy because that's the way my mom is (the way she sees it, she only needs her family, our health, and her own health) but I really just can't do it. Sometimes I'll go to the mall to buy clothes or run errands and I'll see a group of friends walk by and feel absolutely pathetic knowing I'd give almost anything to be like them. I don't even have the time for self pity because I know I'd only have an hour or two to be at the mall before I have to go home and do chores!



Oh, and it's not like there's anyone to help out either. Besides my parents and my sister, I've only got my lazy fifteen year old brother. Even though he has more of a social life than I have, he's a lazy parisite who never does chores unless we yell at him to do so--typical teenage boy...

And all the rest of my relatives are crazy. I mean, really. They're insane.



So anyway, I'm sorry if that whole explanation is a little jumbled and hard to understand, but can anyone help me? Please?

I really just want my family and I to at least meet half way without me sounding like a selfish brat. Because that's what I feel like sometimes when I even consider bringing up this matter. I mean, my mom buys me stuff, she pays for my clothes and she's paying for the stuff I need to redecorate my room. (although I keep telling her that I'd MUCH rather get a job so I can pay for it myself and she can put her income towards food and bills but I guess that's pretty much out of the question right now) But for some reason, I just feel like I really need to tell her that I would really like some freedom.

I'm sorry, I spelled parasite wrong, so I apologize for any other misspellings there may be in my question.



Also, let me clarify something because when I was reading it over, it sounded a little selfish-- When I said my mom can put her income towards food and bills, it's because my mom's main goal is to pay off the mortgage and for once have all the bills paid so she doesn't have to worry about them. If she has money left over, I would LOVE to see her treat herself to something like a vacation or some expensive clothes or those meditation tapes and fix-it tools she loves.

To the assholes who responded rudely to my question: I've got a serious problem here. Sorry if my question is really long, but I find it easier to ask people I don't know than to be judged by people I DO know. So whether you're heartless, lazy, tired or what ever, if you don't want to read this question then have fun off and don't comment about the length so rudely. Even if you had said nicely that it was a little long, that would have been a lot better than the way you just said it.

Aha....About my father...He's not really good with these things...I've tried talking to him and his reply is always a split between "take it up with your mother" or "You chose to help with your sister, now stick with it." My sister is four years old but her condition keeps her from walking, she has no balance and doesn't know how to move her legs correctly (that's what the therapy is for). So yeah my dad is not the best person to involve in this.

geta boyfrined

I'll wait until the MOVIE version comes out.

I'm haveing this same problem with my mom...I try talking to her and it feels like things are cleared up and then it goes back to how it was. I think if some specific guidelines were made it might help. Make sure she knows how you feel and what you want. Goodluck :)

let us know if anyone reads your question.....

set a date and time and stick to it no matter what. start the conversation using the words, "I feel like..." don't say you. you are old enough to get job. you should tell her you would love to start working so that you can obtain a good work ethic for your future. or ask her to go to a public high school. you are not a mother, you're a kid. it should be the funnest time of your life. get out there and make some friends and get a life, or else you'll regret it and when you turn 18, you will likely have problems, rebel, or resent your mother.

I recommend you just show her this post, right here, and wait for a response. Words can often portray emotions better than words... and I'm sure she'll realize that the fact you are looking for help online means you really care, but don't know where to turn, or how to talk to her. She'll understand.

Just give it a try. She'll definitely comment when she's done reading, which will immediately start the conversation you're itching for. Whenever she's not busy, and happens to be in a good mood, just give this to her ("Mom? Can I show you something?"), and hang out nearby while she reads it. (but don't look over her shoulder)

From there, you're set: perfect approach.... you just have to hope your mom cares enough to help your case, which is nothing anyone here can help you with.

Sounds like you are sprouting your wings. You need to just do it...talk with her...use a calm voice. You do need a vacation. And you need some friends, at least someone you can call and talk with. Your brother is driving you nuts. You need some quality time with your mom to talk things out.
I wish you luck...and happiness.

You've got quite a story there, I'm not trying to be rude.

Well seeing your mom's ideals about friends, i don't think it's going to be easy to have her understand how you're feeling about not having friends. That doesn't mean you shouldn't mention it when the time comes. I suggest you try to build up her trust, that way you can go and take walk around the neighborhood along with your sister. This can give you a chance to interact with people who live near you, and when ever you need some company they wont be too far.

As for the talk, you say that when you build up enough courage to talk to her about it, it's usually not the right time. So then don't be so hesitant, if you see she's doing fine, approach her. Most importantly, keep your cool, don't let out your frustration with you mom, that can't help. Good luck!!

Things seem really hard for you and I'm sorry you are going through this at your age. I agree with some of the other replies. Let your mom read your post. You should be able to have a teen life. Have you talked to your father about this? If so what does he say. Does your mother pay you for baby sitting? Seems like you have a full time job yourself. You didn't say how old your sibling is so I don't know if the child is old enough to walk, ride a bike, or would need a stroller. Not only are you spending your time in doors but so is the little one. is there a park near by that your mother would allow you to take the little too. Or for a walk around the block.
Maybe you should suggest getting a part time baby sitter. Let her know you still want to help out, but would like 1 or 2 days a week or a few hours a day for yourself.
It is great that she has you to help, but she is taking it over board I think. We had to help with my sister that is 15 years younger than me, but it wasn't as much as what you are doing.

You really do need to talk to her and your father. before you get the urge to pack up and move out.

well there's no 1 answer for this. but it sounds like you need to 1: get your family to make your brother grow a pair and learn to take care of your sister. 2: convince your parents that they are crippling you by not letting you out of the house and you need to get a job. and 3: train a babysitter that is willing to learn. if you really want a job that bad, you can pay a baby sitter (with the money you earn from a job) to meet half of the required time, and your brother to meet the other required half and you can fill in the rest of the time that you aren't working. the baby sitter can be trained to meet your sibling's needs (trust me, there are baby sitters ou out there that can). its great that you are at least reaching out to people, it shows that you are still concerned. if you ever get out of the house, don't be controlling of friends, and don't lie to them. they're your friends and most likely they will understand anything you need to tell them. if they lie to your and act irrational, they're probably not your friend or they're having a bad day. if you can, possibly bring your sister with you to a social place for teens. like a teen center or a mall or a pizza parlor. something like that. or possibly a school event. actually the best place that you could be is a church, they are always loving and caring and there are other kids that are extremely friendly. if your sister just can't leave the house, then ask your brother or dad. if they won't, then just leave. if your family won't listen to you then tell them where you are going and go. don't always do that, but it will get them to listen if they won't. if your family is psycho and won't let you do anything but babysit, then call child support and tell them that the parents can't properly handle their kids. (only do that as a last resort! only if they're psycho!) i hope i helped. don't lose hope, there is always a way =)

WOW!! i wasn't allowed to have a social life when i was a teen too. step dad was VERY strict, he hated everyone especially boys. my 1st kiss was at 20, sad right? i totally understand where you're coming from, housework and homework was what i had to do. forget friends calling me on the phone, he would tell them i died, cussed them out, & hang up on them. sorry enough abt me.

your mom sounds like a very smart lady, i would buy a loving card that says you apperciate everything she does for you. write her a letter explaning everyithng you said in here and how you feel, let her also know that you know how she must feel and all you're asking to give you day or two off so that you could socialize with ppl your own age. i hope it works!! :-)

i really think it unfair that your brother who is only a year younger gets to have somewhat of a life.

best wishes,
nina

Whoa; I read the whole thing, and I honestly don't know what to say... I can't know what would be best for you to do, but I can say that I think you need to start thinking about yourself. You keep calling yourself selfish, but you sound completely the opposite. It's not wrong to think about your own needs and desires--especially desires like friendship and freedom.

It might not be easy, it might be painful, but if I were you, I would MAKE time for myself, regardless of the feelings that might be stirred up. It's an instinctual human desire to have relationships, to grow and experience new things, and nothing to be ashamed of. I would look into public transportation or carpooling and use it to get a job so that I could start saving money to buy a car or something so that I was not bound so tightly to my family.

And if you find it difficult to have a conversation with either of your parents, I would write out how you feel and slip it to them that way. You could even print what you just wrote here and give it to them. Communication is really, really important, and your parents need to know how you feel, honestly and openly.

Anyway, it sounds like you're a person of good character, and I hope I helped, and I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Don't give up!

You have quite a burden don't you.
Here you are wishing you could be an average teenager, but instead you are EXCEPTIONAL.

You fear you are consumed with self pity, but after reading your story, I believe you are SELFLESS.

You talk like you are missing out on things, but I think the thing you are forgetting about the most is yourself, and you are VALUABLE.

I think you could take a lesson from your parents. Your father who pursues a less that lucrative career, and spends the rest of his time on self-improvement, and a mother who puts her job before herself, and her family.

Then there's YOU, the one who has volunteered to fill in the gaps left by everyone else.
As long as you continue to be there for them, they will go ahead and give themselves permission to take advantage of you.

Any parent would give their right arm to have a kid like you in the family. Your parents are lucky to have you there to help out, and I don't want to tell you that you should do otherwise.
But you are a teenager, and you have a right to your childhood.
You are also very articulate, and smart, so you don't need to hear from me as to what to say to your mom.
What I am trying to give you is the courage, and empowerment to go ahead and talk with your mom so you can take back some of your right to YOUR LIFE.
It doesn't matter if your mom has her intestines all twisted in a knot.
SHE is the mom in the family, NOT YOU!

So give that responsibility back to her, so you can go back to what you really need to be responsible for, and that is YOU.

I hope that helps. :-)