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 Post subject: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 2:03 pm 
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?Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!? God, how I can?t stand alarm clocks. Every day, it goes off, and every day, I hit the snooze button twice before I finally decide to wake up, and every day, when my mom hears it the third time?she shouts up, ?Cassi, are you up?!? I know the drill by now. It has been the same for the past 3 years when I started middle school. But now that I am a freshman in high school, it seems like it gets a little harder every day.

The first day is always the worst. I don?t know why I feel that way. I should probably be used to it considering the fact that I have moved 12 times in my 14 and a half years and that I have been to 10 different schools. It?s starting to get old, my dad being in the army and all, but I guess it?s something that I just can?t change.

Today is February, 8th 2010. It is also my first day of high school for the second time. It has always been hard for me to change schools so often and you?d think by now, I would be good at making friends, but it has never come that easily to me.

?Cassi, are you awake?!?

?Yeah mom, I will be down in a sec!?

?Good morning! How did you sleep? Are you ready for your first day? I hope you make friends!?

Why do parents always ask so many questions? That?s what I want to know. No matter what, they are always hammering you with tons of questions. And they are never one at a time; it?s always just a huge pile of questions about things that no one really cares about at all.

?Fine. Yes. Same.? The one word answer is the easiest way to blow off a question I believe.

?Well, don?t you sound in a good mood today!?

Her sarcasm didn?t amuse me. I just grabbed the Lucky Charms and sat down at the kitchen table without saying a word. Then my mother being the loving concerned parent she is, sat down next to me and asked if I was okay, even though she knew exactly how every first day went. She knew that I hated moving around and would love more than anything to have stayed in our last house in Palm Beach, Florida. We had been there for two years; the longest we had ever been in a house. I had actually made some good friends and it crushed me when I had to leave my best friend in the world Alana behind. We had become so close and knowing that I wouldn?t have her in the crap-hole town of Latrobe, Pennsylvania killed me inside.



I know that it is long but if you could take the time to read it and give me some feedback that would be great:) i am also thinking about having something happen to make it a mystery in some way so if you could give me some advice, it would be helpful:)

Thanks:)

nikkibaby64- just so ya know i was thinking about having something about like her falling in love and then someone like getting murdered to try to incorpperate some of like every genre into it so that its not typical....or maybe just starting over...?



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 Post subject: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:58 pm 
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It's pretty good so far. I would just work on the dialogue a bit more and make it sound more realistic.


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 Post subject: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 5:53 pm 
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Ah well, this is very typical topic for one.
Out of what you have provided I see nothing that hooks me.
It is fine, but that's it. It's just fine.

If this is the way you want to write this story then realize that there will have to be something more. Something more then just a typical teenage girl moving around a lot because of her fathers job because it's exactly that; typical.


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 Post subject: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 7:48 pm 
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put yourself in your character's shoes, especially since you're writing from first person. be the character. show us what she sees, don't tell us. what is she feeling? physical and emotional. thinking? doing? hearing? anything.
the more details, the better.


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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:12 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:13 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:15 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:16 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:19 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:22 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: does this sound like it would make a good book?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2021 1:23 pm 
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