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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:50 pm 
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I am getting married soon and we are having a wedding for about 75 people. My fiancee has a very large family and this parents are divorced so that's a lot of people to consider inviting. Since we are wanting only about 75 people so we get to go on a nice honeymoon and have less people, we split it up into thirds. My family has 25 people ( including our friends), his mom has 25 and his dad has 25. That about as good as I can get it. My fiancee mother is fine with that and understands why we are having a small wedding. The step mother on his dad side is telling me that I NEED to invite all these people because its the honorable thing to do even though they may not come.The wedding is about 60 miles so she has even stated that a BIG portion probably wouldn't even come because of the location. I understand that, but what am I suppose to do if these extra 100 people show up and theres not enough food or room. I've tried explaining to her why we are only wanting to have this amount of people but she just keeps talking about how disrespectful it is not invite all these people because its the right thing to do. Some people I don't even know who they are and we have been together for well over 5 years. My side of the family paid for the entire wedding and i don't think it would even be right for them to pay for more people. Me and fiancee don't want to pay for extra people because we are perfectly fine with 75 people and we are not the ones complaining. The only solution I could think of was if his step mother was dead set on inviting all these extra people is for her to come up with the extra money because theres nothing I can do about it.because where I am getting married at, you pay for the number of people you want to invite. She has complained about everything from day one about everything that needed to be done but has offered to help with nothing and its like she expect my side of the family to fork it up. my fiancee explains her as a "Drama Queen" and expects for everyone to give in to her just like he does most of the time because she gets worked up way to easy. Because from day one she has complained about something about this wedding and it has been about her the whole time just to make her happy. She got worked up about how our invitations were worded, also we said something to her buying the exact same dress we told his real mother to buy and she ending up buying the same kind, and how telling up now we need to invite to the wedding. Please any advice.



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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 3:41 pm 
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Look there is always going to be one person to complain about everything. Remember the better picture. You and your fiancee are getting married and that's it. You tried to be far and even and if they ca't understand that then it's just to bad. Since your parents are paying for everything maybe you can have your parents call her and talk to her about the whole thing. It seems like she is a person that just wants to start drama and what's it to be her dream marriage. She's crazy.

I wish you all the luck in the world and don't stress!!


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:32 pm 
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Elope! Send the ones you love cards saying what you've done and when you get back from your honeymoon (which you can now afford because you aren't feeding free loaders) you'll have a family bbq.


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:24 pm 
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its your weddin remind them youll could just go to a court house lol theyll come around


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 6:15 pm 
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Screw it. Do whatever you want. It's your day.
My cousin is getting married and she wants a small wedding, so she is only inviting aunts and uncles and no cousins. Am I sad or offended? NO - I want her to have a wonderful day.
The people who care will get over it.


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 7:07 pm 
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Somebody needs to neutralize this woman and fast! You've put up with a lot more than I would have, and when people give in to Drama Queens, it just enables them to continue. You should ask your fiance to talk to his stepmom or his dad, and say whatever has to be said. If you can do it yourself, that's fine, but you shouldn't have to. She needs to be told she has no standing in this wedding, her comments are not helpful, and her choice is to attend the wedding YOU plan or to not attend.

I'd also stop communicating with her unless it's a true emergency. There really isn't anything left in your planning that involves her, and if you're on the phone and she starts whining, just terminate the call.


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 7:58 pm 
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Tell her: "Any additional person outside your 25 guest list, will incur on an charge of (say) $70 per person. Please make checks payable to X or send us the cash so we can make the payments for additional catering and a larger venue (smiles). So, to accommodate your extra 30 people, we will need $2100 by July 12th (smiles). Let us know when you have your money ready and we will happily oblige. (smiles)"

(that will cool her off and she will never mention it again)

Good luck


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 Post subject: Having a small wedding with a large family?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 8:50 pm 
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I'm going through the same problem. My grandma thinks it's repulsive I'm not including my entire family. I'm just inviting my immediate family so about 20 people instead of say 75. I told her time and time again I don't have the money or the time for family drama. I told her many a time if she wants to dish up the extra $1200 for food and $200 for invites etc.) go right ahead! But in the end it's your wedding!! You just need to put your foot down, you need to be the one who's happy not her. When you look back on your wedding day don't regret letting her boss you around and giving in to "her wedding". Politely explain it's YOUR wedding and you've made the budget and you can't afford to go into debt, and also you can't please everyone.


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